I became aware of Dying With Dignity many years ago. I have been following and supporting them ever since. My mother was the kindest most loving person I have ever known. She loved her three children and five grandchildren with her whole heart. She lived for us. And was happy to do so. It was not an obligation for her…it was her greatest joy.

Nine years ago my mother passed away. But “passed away” does not seem like the proper description. We sat helplessly and watched Alzheimer’s slowly, relentlessly, and brutally dismantle this beautiful soul. It was a ten year journey she did not deserve. Nor did her family. The magical grandmother my children knew was not the person caged in a long term memory facility that they visited. In the last few years, they could not even bring themselves to go see this tormented soul that used to be their grandmother.

My words are strong because I am still bitter about what she had to endure. I know thousands before me have used the cliche that “we treat our pets with more compassion than our fellow human beings.” That cliche keeps coming up because it is true. I still deal with the guilt of secretly wishing she would pass away…from anything. It just ripped my gut apart seeing her suffer. She was not the stereotype “happy go lucky” elderly person who did not remember anything anymore. She suffered with anxiety, anger, depression and confusion. Her passing was anything but a “passing.” It was a slow torturous death. It did not have to be that way. 

Last year my father passed away. He lived a long full healthy life but the wheels were falling off fast and the last five years of his life were filled with health challenges. His doctor was a caring soul and during one of our visits he told my father about MAID. He explained it in a kind way saying he felt that my father should be aware of it and know that it might be an option for him someday. About a year after that visit my father told me he wanted to talk to his doctor about MAID again. To find out more about it. We met with his doctor, and in the following two weeks he talked about the option with me on several occasions. Ultimately he chose that route. I supported his decision completely. So did my siblings. And to our surprise so did his two older sisters (93 and 94 year old). They said they did not want him to suffer any longer.

We not only supported his decision…we agreed with it. That is an important distinction. He got to say his good byes to all his friends and family. We had a small family dinner with him the evening before the procedure. All his grandchildren and great grandchildren were there. Although somewhat surreal, it was very special. To say your last words to somebody you love dearly and then hold them gently while the procedure is done is something that will never leave me. But I agreed with his decision then and I still do now. And so does the rest of our family and all his friends. 

He died with dignity. He did not suffer endlessly for nothing. He was still the man we knew all our lives. We are so appreciative that he had this option. Everyone should have it. We are so fortunate to have this option in Canada. Anyone who does not see the value in MAID, or worse, opposes it, has not had the two opposite experiences I have had with my two parents. There is not a day that goes by that I don’t wish my mother would have had the option of MAID. She could have passed peacefully with dignity.