Today my friend of 13 days would have turned 60. I met her through my MAID support work. She had been approved and was awaiting her death day. We became friends and shared things that people I’ve known for decades don’t know.  

She called me her last new friend. A sobering thought when she said it. She had been ill for a long time with secondary progressive MS and other chronic illnesses. The decision to choose MAID was not done easily. Her quality of life had deteriorated, and she told me that as hard as it was to go, it was harder to stay. Her dad’s family lived well into their 90’s and the thought of suffering for another 30 years was too much.  

Although she felt at peace with her choice, she was still anxious about the day. She struggled to share these feelings as she worried others would feel that she had made her choice.  

We unearthed that what she really wanted was someone to be there solely for her. Someone not faced with her own heartbreak as well. Wise woman!  

I offered to join her. She also loved the idea that I had lived experience, which would help her during the procedure, and the coordination of the day’s events.  

We had only communicated by e-mail until we met face to face at the hospice center hours before her death. It was an unforgettable embrace.  

To spend the gift of time with someone in the knowingness of their own impending death is a profound honour. We cried, laughed, and in the words of Michelle Obama, went both low and high. It was wonderful.  

What is more important than her death was her full and beautiful life. We found similarities between our worlds. She too had found her once-in-a-lifetime love, and most of our conversations were about their relationship. How they met, his humour, happy memories, and his sad and tragic death.  

She had been a social worker, and we had great conversations about how to improve the psychosocial supports of those facing a scheduled death. She left me with a long list of things to think about, and I do!  

So tonight, I’ll celebrate my friend who would have turned 60 today. I’ll think of us all sharing Costco tuxedo cake, and fearing death less together. Cheers to you, my friend! What a gift. 

Posted April 21, 2025 on Instagram