Our story began in 2010 when Ian started to forget a few things at work. Some co-workers asked what was wrong with him. I didn’t pay too much attention to it at that time. We went to Brazil in January 2011 and when we came home Ian was very confused and forgetful, but he quit smoking when we started the trip, so we put it down to that.

In 2012, he went to a geriatric psychiatrist and was told “if you think you have dementia, you don’t have it”. Ian saw a psychiatrist in 2013 at the hospital and went through three plus hours of testing and was measured against a group of men in his same age category. He scored very high. Ian did the testing again in 2015 and again scored high, although not as high as before.

In 2017 he wanted the testing; the doctor thought it pointless as he had scored high twice before but eventually agreed. This time he scored considerably lower than the group in some areas, and all of those areas pointed to Alzheimer’s.

He started on Aricept and things went along quite well for the next four years. Yes, he was forgetting more things, and we eventually sold our motorhome as he could not maintain it or remember how to do a lot of the necessary things, and he didn’t want me doing them.

We saw a lot of changes in 2022. Ian lost his driver’s license as he could no longer remember the rules of the road, and it was pretty scary driving with him.

In 2023, Ian applied and was approved for MAID. We had looked after both my parents in full care and he was adamant that he never wanted to live like that. He always knew he had dementia. He attended the groups for dementia at the Alzheimer’s Society. I could no longer leave him at home by himself, he would get lost if he walked around the block. If I ran into the store and left him in the car, he wouldn’t be there when I got back. He would go into the store looking for me. He started going to a Day Program, he was ok with it and it gave me a break. I had people coming in to give him showers and sometimes to stay with him.

My mother passed away in August 2024, and I stayed with her at the care home for her last few days. I had family members or good friends to stay with Ian, but his dementia really progressed at that time. In late 2024 he opened the car door to get out while we were driving, he put a plastic container with food in the toaster oven to heat it while I had gone out for just a few minutes. He left our daughter’s house when we were there for dinner and six of us went out looking for him for over an hour. We found him about 3 km away, I think he was walking home, but he was going in the wrong direction.

His overall health is good so he could be there for many years. He recognizes my face but doesn’t know my name or that we are married, he doesn’t know our children, or grandchildren. He doesn’t remember anything about his past. He wanders the halls, or he looks for things to fix. He still talks a lot but nothing makes sense.

I felt I could not look after him, and Interior Health agreed it was time to put him on the wait list for long term care. It was then that I contacted the MAID doctor again but unfortunately, he was no longer able to give consent and in March 2025 he entered long term care.

It is so sad to see him there; it breaks my heart as I know he never wanted to live or exist like this.

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Advance requests

An advance request would allow a competent person to make a written request for MAID that could be honoured later, after they lose the capacity to make medical decisions for themselves. An advance request could save a person from having to endure years — perhaps even decades — of unwanted suffering. 

In DWDC’s most recent polling, 82% of Canadians stated that they support advance requests for MAID for a person that has a diagnosis of a grievous and irremediable medical condition. It’s time for us to join our voices and tell the government to make advance requests legal. 

Join the conversation

If you think it is time to make advance requests as part of federal MAID legislation, we invite you to join the conversation. Your voice matters. Tell your MP and the Ministers of Health and Justice that you want to see advance requests as part of federal MAID legislation. Or consider calling or meeting with your elected official to have an even bigger impact. Find our action toolkit and more information on the advance request advocacy page on our website. For more frequent updates on our advocacy issues, as well as easy access to our educational materials, please consider signing up for our e-newsletter.

 If you have questions about MAID or any other end-of-life care option, please visit  www.WeCanChoose.ca. We Can Choose is a new initiative from Dying With Dignity Canada that provides clear information about end-of-life planning and care options, including MAID. Visit www.WeCanChoose.ca to learn more.