My husband chose dignity. 

He had suffered from multiple sclerosis for 14 years, declining slowly until he used a walker in the house and a scooter when we ventured out. He was an active man, and after retirement at age 70, he took up wood turning. He was able to lean his hip against the lathe and control the carving tools with his arms and upper torso. He produced many bowls, which are now enjoyed by family and friends. 

In January 2023 he suffered a stroke while we were vacationing in Florida. He was airlifted back to Ontario via plane, landing in a small airport in Kitchener to clear customs. I accompanied him. From Kitchener we were driven by ambulance to hospital in Owen Sound. In spite of great care in the hospital and the attached rehabilitation centre, he lost the use of both legs and his left arm became weaker and weaker. From Owen Sound he was transferred to another hospital which was fortunately closer to our home. I visited him daily, but it became obvious that he could never come home. He required 24-hour care and the use of mechanical apparatus to move him from bed to wheelchair. 

After six months of waiting, Jimmy secured a room in a Long-Term Care Home. With help from family, we decorated his room with furniture from home and many paintings and pictures for him to enjoy and remember. His cognitive ability was 100% and his first request was to find someone with whom he could play chess. Regrettably, this was not possible. Others in the home were well passed the point of coherence, spending most of their time eating, or sleeping in front of the television. Jimmy and I used our iPads to play bridge most days when he wasn’t watching boating stories on his iPad or sports on his private television. 

Jimmy was able to feed himself but was unable to present himself to the bathroom without assistance. His dignity was eroded and for a man who was always the “well dressed gentleman” this was very difficult for him. He lost the use of his left arm. We were able to buy him a motorized wheelchair as he was able to control the vehicle with his right hand. His previous skills in travelling in his scooter were well documented and he therefore used this skill to get himself to the dining room and to the reception area. 

I purchased an old but stable wheelchair accessible Dodge van which had an automatic side ramp feature. He was able to drive himself up the ramp and park next to me in the passenger position. I was able to take him out almost daily for drives around town, to the lake to see boating activities, and to our home where I had ramps built so he could enter the house and enjoy a few hours before it was necessary for him to return to the home for bathroom and sleeping facilities. 

In August of 2023, it became obvious to Jimmy that through the combination of MS and his stroke he was never going to improve and his future was not at home, and never could be. He started to consider MAID and shared his thoughts with me. Jimmy always had a strong personality and as an engineer would consider all options carefully. He asked for my blessing. 

I agreed that I would follow his requests to the best of my ability. 

This was the start of the Government forms which were required to be signed by a witness who was not a beneficiary in his will. His nurse/practitioner explained the process and was responsible for the first interview to ensure Jimmy knew exactly the details of the procedure and determined that this was his request. 

Jimmy’s left arm started to increase in discomfort. He never regained use of his left hand, and the arm became a focus of discomfort. Jimmy was known for his congeniality and large smile in spite of his physical limitations and was a favourite among the staff of the home. As one of the few residents who could participate in activities, he agreed to lead the Christmas parade around the care home, all decked out in his tuxedo, red bow tie, and band leader’s hat. I decorated his wheelchair and joined in the parade with him singing Christmas carols and wishing everyone a merry Christmas. He was such a trooper. 

We had enlightened the family to the prospect of MAID in the fall of 2023, but it was not until after Christmas that we confirmed that this was now a reality. The discomfort in Jimmy’s left arm was confirmed as cancer. A second doctor interviewed Jimmy and approved his choice for MAID. Jimmy was asked many times during the weeks prior to January 31 whether MAID was his still his decision, and each time with a clear mind he said yes. 

Knowing since August that MAID was a strong possibility, I started the subliminal process of mourning. I was going to lose him but had the opportunity to follow his directions for living his final time. Jimmy and I had many obstacles to overcome in our 40-year time together, both in family life and in business. Throughout we endured and used the phrase “we danced in the rain.” We were able to discuss death and our forever love for each other. This helped me tremendously after his passing. There was no shock, and I am able to talk about him and the process quite freely.    

On January 15, Jimmy sent out an email to over 60 friends and family members in Canada and abroad. He thanked everyone for being a part of his life’s experiences and invited all those who wished to participate to raise a glass at 1:30 p.m. on January 31, 2024, at the time of his passing. To our surprise, we did not receive a single negative reply. In fact, tributes started to arrive. What a wonderful experience this was for both of us. Jimmy was able to read each one and enjoy and savour their remarks. The knowledge that I was not alone at 1:30 on January 31 was immensely comforting for me. 

It was through the MAID process that Jimmy was able to regain his dignity, directing the time of his passing, his funeral arrangements and the details of his celebration of life party. He was in charge and regained his need for personal respect. 

It was difficult for our children to see Jimmy in a care home and lose his independence. They were stoic however and allowed Jimmy to be in control. At no time did they allow their own choices and desires to override his decisions. This was a major factor for me in being able to fulfill his requests and I will be forever grateful to them for their heroism. 

During his final three weeks of life, I suggested Jimmy dictate a few words to describe his 85 years. With straight and non-flowery words he talked about his life, and I was able to transcribe his dictation and put together his storybook. His factual descriptions surpassed many prior lines of conjecture, and made clear where he came from, and why he was who he was. My final question to him was, “How do you wish to be remembered Jimmy?” His reply was, “I wish to be remembered the way friends and family wrote about me in their tributes.” 

Jimmy will be remembered as being a gentleman who had a wonderful smile, and was willing to participate in all enjoyable activities within his ability, loved his family, and was my soul mate. Shortly before 1:30 on January 31, I took a photograph of him, sitting propped up in bed, wearing his favourite yellow shirt, holding a small picture of our wedding, and sporting a wide smile. He was ready to go with his dignity intact.