DWD Supports Client to Die at Home

In this moving testimonial, Valerie K talks about how her husband Bill chose to die at home and was able to do so with the support of DWD.

On May 31, 2007 my husband was diagnosed with Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis also known as Lou Gehrig’s disease.  ALS is brutally simple.  From the moment of diagnosis, patient and family must prepare for death.

My husband and I approached this situation from two basic perspectives:  We will all die.  We all have choices to make. He was familiar with ALS, having watched its relentless march to the inevitable over a period of six years in the son of a friend.  He did not fear death, often referring to the words of the dying King David to his son, Solomon: “I go the way of all the earth.” (I Kings 22). 

On May 31, 2007 my husband was diagnosed with Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis also known as Lou Gehrig’s disease.  ALS is brutally simple.  From the moment of diagnosis, patient and family must prepare for death.

My husband and I approached this situation from two basic perspectives:  We will all die.  We all have choices to make. He was familiar with ALS, having watched its relentless march to the inevitable over a period of six years in the son of a friend.  He did not fear death, often referring to the words of the dying King David to his son, Solomon: “I go the way of all the earth.” (I Kings 22). 

My husband made his choice from the early days of diagnosis and never faltered as he carefully and thoroughly prepared for his death.  My own choice was to learn to respect and accept his decision, to support him in any way I could and to learn to let him go.  He showed me the way forward:  live each day fully and continue thus after he was gone. 

Bill contacted Dying With Dignity early in his illness, having learned of them from his research on the Internet.  This organization provided incredible support, information and advice to us both.  Deciding “how”, “where” and “when” was a long careful process of considering many possibilities.  DWD helped at every stage. 

My husband’s strong preference was to die at home.  In the end, he had his wish:  he died peacefully, quickly, quietly at home with his family at his side.
 

Here is an excerpt from a statement Bill wrote about midway through his illness: 

I am a 75 year old male, a citizen of Canada, born in Toronto on September 4, 1932.  I have enjoyed an exceptionally healthy, happy and active life.  I am married with two children and two grandchildren.  My wife and I have just celebrated 50 years of marriage.  Throughout our married life we swam, canoed including wilderness tripping, bicycled, hiked, down-hill and cross-country skied, sailed and travelled.

On May 31, 2007, I was diagnosed by Dr. Bourque at the Neuro-Diagnostic Unit of the Ottawa Hospital, Civic Campus with Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis (ALS).  I visited Dr. Bourque again on September 4, 2007 when he confirmed his original diagnosis of ALS.  I know that there is no treatment for this disease and that it is terminal, usually within two to five years of diagnosis.  I know that, as the disease progresses, I shall lose the ability to do anything for myself and eventually to speak, swallow and finally to breathe.  I have watched the son of friends of mine die of ALS so I have a vivid image of what this means.  I have also read books about the disease and about people who have had it.

I have decided that I do not want to see this disease to its end.  I am progressing towards a quality of life that I will not tolerate and a death without dignity. 

William K,
February 25, 2008

He was 75 years old and had led “an exceptionally healthy, happy and active life.”   On October 20, 2008 he ended his own life.  He died peacefully at home with me, our son and our daughter at his side.  Also present were two members of Dying With Dignity Canada (DWD) whose professionalism, experience and compassionate support throughout his illness and particularly on the day of his death and in the immediate aftermath were absolutely invaluable to all of us.

A friend, who had dealt with much hardship offered me something which had helped her in her troubles: 

“Life is not about finding solutions.  It is about approaching unanswerable questions in good company.” 

I am profoundly grateful to the staff and volunteers of Dying With Dignity, and the donors that make their work possible.  As Bill and I travelled along the path that began with his diagnosis and ended with his death, Dying With Dignity was an invaluable companion along the way.    

Valerie  K
 
November 15, 2011
Ottawa, Canada